So…. I know I haven’t actually written in terms of my SW experiences, or life, in a long time. Things have been crazy. I have been going through a lot of changes. Ones that may seem drastic, but for me, are definitely positive. For the first time, I am working on being brutally honest with myself in order to be happy. Sometimes when we are so busy helping others, we neglect ourselves. Sometimes we do this our entire life. I want and need to break this cycle.

Without going into detail, I have distanced and broken free of negative aspects of my life in order to move towards a happier, healthier life. I am doing things I have always been to scarred to do since I have been such a fucking people pleaser at my own expense.

I ended a 5 year relationship, which for the most part was toxic and mentally abusive. Without getting into detail, unfortunately, this did not end well and turned into a pretty traumatic experience, which is pretty sad considering that was still 5 years of my life. I have learned a lot through this, especially about myself.

I quit my job of 5 years that I hated. It has nothing to do with what I want to do in life. It was for a rich company that didn’t give a shit about people. Just money. I was a robot there, just a number. I have decided life is too short to do things you don’t enjoy for money. Who cares if you don’t have much money. At least if you are doing what you like, you will be happy, considering work takes up such a big part of our lives.

I moved out. I am 24. I needed to. I love my family and they have been so supportive. However, like anywhere, nothing is as perfect as it seems. I was doing a lot of things for the wrong reasons, and needed to start doing things because I wanted to, not because I felt obliged and felt like I would be a bad person if I left, because I am the only one who stayed to help.

I moved in….with my soul mate. And a lot of people probably think I am crazy but I don’t give a fuck. I have cared about others opinions too much for too long, and look where that got me. She’s 37, Im 24. Shes black, Im white. We come from different worlds. We both work in social work. Shes a mom, she has teenage boys. She has had more obstacles in this world than I ever thought I would encounter in anyone, and has come through shining. It was a spiritual connection since we met, and one thing lead to another. I never believed in soul mates until I met her. Before I was terrified of commitment. Or so I thought. Now I know it’s not that I was afraid, it’s that it just wasn’t right before. I live with her and her kids. We have a shit-zu and a crazy pug, as well as my gecko. Life is busy, chaotic, yet somehow so grounding. I love my life now. Ive never let anyone in like I have her. She has the most beautiful soul. I’m gunna marry that woman. It’s funny how people who say they are so open are judgmental when it comes down to it. Oh well I guess that’s life. What matters is that I am happy, healthy, and in a good place where I am working on things. And I am lucky enough to have a partner so honest, open, and understanding.

I have a new job in the field. I work at Ottawa lowest-barrier housing, a harm-reduction house for severe street addicts (women). I will write more about this in another entry. It’s crazy. But awesome. Nerve-racking, but good experience.

I am learning, appreciating, loving, and for once…breathing. I know I have a lot more to work on, but at least I am one my own right path.